Now, our precious precious child has been on a plane more than most children her age and at the end of each flight we have been complemented and showered with praise for our well-mannered Princess.  I knew this model behavior couldn’t last forever given that Georgia Peach (GP) is a very active toddler and is known to throw a tantrum like a Sean ‘P Diddy’ Combs Annual White Party.  They. Are. Epic.  I was prepared for the flight well, at least I thought I was…

Here’s how GP challenged my readiness.

In the terminal before the flight, I decided it would be a good idea to feed GP.  Now, she has these great food pouches that travel well and she can feed herself with ease. Lately, she has been extremely fickle about having them though.  One minute she loves them the next she has thrown the entire pouch in a mini fit of rage.

On this day, she hates them.

No problem.  I anticipate this potential objection and BOOM have an old stand by ready…cereal.  She eats like the Southern Belle she is until she decides to kick my hand and there goes the food.  NICE.  GP thinks this is hilarious. I do not. Luckily, I pack food for GP like we could get stranded for a day or two so I was able to quickly regroup and get her a fresh pack.  Of course by this time, she is not interested in eating.  Maybe she wants some milk, I thought.

She tosses the sippy cup.

I know my girl and caught it before it hit the disgusting airport terminal germ infested 1982 installed carpet.  I get the nod for boarding early and move to the front of the line.  Thank you, Lord!  We make our way to the end of the jet way, I collapse the stroller and walk to our seat.  I put our stuff down and head to the closet aka the airplane restroom to change Lil Mama’s diaper.  We make it back to our seat to greet the grand prize winner…the lady seated in the seat next to us.

GP begins the flight in true Princess fashion.  Sweet and charming, talking and playing until about 30 minutes left in the flight when all hell breaks loose.  I still have no idea what happened.  One minute she is calm the next I’m holding a straight back screaming child.

Me: Do you want more milk? I sign to her

She pushes it away.

Me: Do you want to play with this cool toy?

She throws it on the ground (goodbye toy, you are now dead to us). Crying and screaming escalates.

Me: Do you want to play with the iPad?

This is what she is really wants to say to me….if she could speak English.

GP: Umm no, I don’t want that stupid sippy cup with the soy milk you make me drink because I can’t “handle” the cow’s milk.  And no, I don’t want to play with that tired old toy you brought for me, I’m over that toy.  It’s for 12 month olds, I’m 18 months old now…learn me Mommy!  And if you show me the Phonics Song ONE MORE TIME on the iPad today well…you already know….I’m TIRED!! Please let me sleep. Mommy!!!

I get it!

She is still crying and thrashing when the lady next to us touches GP’s foot and starts talking to her.  My kid starts to calm down like I have been doing NOTHING to help her this entire time.  At this point, I’m over it.  I’ll take any help I can get!  GP calms down and falls asleep.  Just in time for the Pilot to announce we are 20 minutes from landing.  Seriously?

Best part…we have a connecting flight. So here is a rundown of the high points:

• The Gate Agent acts like I am muy loco by trying to board the flight when ‘passengers who need extra time’ are invited to board.  Umm, I need extra time.  Denied.
• GP decides she wants to ‘eat’ my Cheetos.  She has two teeth so, her version of eating is sucking the cheese off and placing her gross used Cheetos in my bag from the store.  She gets a bit too ambitious with one and bites off a little and… throws up in my hand.  Excuse me, did you just puke in my hand?  This does not phase her…she keeps it moving. More Cheetos please.
• Like an idiot, I  have on a white shirt so I have orange Cheetos dust all over my shirt.
• GP keeps taking off her shoes and socks so, I let her keep them off.  Sure she looks like a Hillbilly but, I’m tired and hungry.  Besides I don’t look any better with my cheese accented shirt.  

Next time, I’ll bring the right toys for you and skip the Cheetos. XO 🙂