She is back.

There is always a noticeable shift in my husband’s demeanor when he begins seeing her again.

Each time it starts the same, slowly. A weeknight meeting here, a weekend away there. But in the blink of an eye the occasional early morning meet-up and late-night call escalate to every day.

Their constant communication is shameless and uninhibited, like new love. And I automatically adjust and make room for her.

For whatever reason, I can handle the constant calls between them. But the love notes. Have you ever stumbled upon a love letter written by your love for his other love?

Leaves you sick in the stomach.

He tries to conceal the written expression of their love from me but it never lasts long. I find them on restaurant napkins, sticky notes, envelopes, and business cards everywhere.

All the X’s and O’s and talks about “protection”. I just don’t get it.  It is so disrespectful! I guess I should be glad they are discussing coverage, right?

I understand he will never leave her, she was in his life long before me.

They met in grade school but, didn’t really start a relationship until his older brother saw their undeniable chemistry. Turns out there was someone else he liked more but, his brother insisted he give it a try with her first. My brother-in-law was right, she had long-term potential.

I have seen pictures of them together in various stages of his life. Always hand-in- hand. So, I knew about her, about this part of him. But honestly, I didn’t quite understand the amount of time she required of him year ’round. I figured, surely this arrangement will adjust for me,  right?

No surprise, it didn’t. I was so cute back then.

She is relentless, she needs something from him all of the time. Like a small child clamoring for the attention of their parents.

And when they are not together or talking…she sends film of herself, to remind him that she demands his constant care and attention. She knows what she is doing. He will watch her in action over and over, some parts in slow motion, studying every position.

She has no shame.

Trust me when I say, she has my attention too. I would be a fool to ignore her. She clearly isn’t going anywhere, I know he loves her. And she isn’t the easiest to love sometimes.

I often wonder…

  • How do I support their relationship while fostering ours?
  • How do I prepare the rest of our family for her demanding personality?
  • Why is he so loyal to her when she has turned her back on him before?
  • How do I avoid becoming a Sister Wife?

The fact is…we work at it daily because it hasn’t always been smooth sailing for the three of us. I mean, who expects to accept another into their marriage? I guess a Sister Wife does, but I was ill-prepared.

Clearly, she is a HUGE part of our lives but, not our entire life. She often struggles with this fact and I remind her of “her place”.  It would be easy to let her dominate our family but because I love and respect her too, she knows I can’t let that happen. Through it all, we are so excited that football season is here and even though it is tough for all of us, we wouldn’t have it any other way!


  1. Fun (and funny) post, Shawny!
    I loved the post…but I do not have any love for this other woman.
    In fact, I scream and flip her off every time I see her.

  2. Ok- I don’t know you but I feel like I could possibly be your BFF! Lol hilarious post
    X’s and O’s –Lindsey

    1. Thank you! So glad you like and can relate to the post. I felt like I entered into a secret world, those first years were crazy and eye opening.;-) Where does your husband coach? And how did you find my teeny tiny blog? 🙂

  3. Pingback: Save This Link!

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